did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
