i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
