she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
