You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
