I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
