Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
only if we run a train.
done.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
