I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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