Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
