He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the condom got lost in my hair
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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