at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
