Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
