but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
