Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
