: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
