The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
