Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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