It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
