last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
