You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
