Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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