Michael Bay diarrhea
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
