I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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