She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
