I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
