The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
