Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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