but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize