so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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