I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
