I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
