Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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