The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
