How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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