Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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