apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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