Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
