Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
