wanna go halves on a baby?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
