I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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