if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
