The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
