So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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