My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize