Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
