Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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