Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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