Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
