my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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