talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
