Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
