It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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