Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
