Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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