I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
