What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
