he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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