I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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