can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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