You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
