Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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