so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
