booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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