i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
