i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
