Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
