I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
