I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
