Jerry, you need to find god
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
