I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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