their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hippo gnu deer
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
