He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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