I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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