$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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