He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
