She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
