Will you blow on my dice?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
