Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
