I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
