Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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