Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
