Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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