wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Couch. On fire.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
