What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize