$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
