zippers are such a cool invention
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
