Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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