So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
