I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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