Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize