well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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