Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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