you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize