genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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