Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
