So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
