oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
