apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
even my farts smell like vagina
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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