see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
