Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
