some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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