Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
