I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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