did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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