I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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